


(no dawn, no day) i‘m always in this twilight

by WhenIWasAYoungBoy



Category: Hustle Cat (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Avery is stuck in a time loop and is having a Bad Time, Other, POV Second Person, Stream of Consciousness, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIWasAYoungBoy/pseuds/WhenIWasAYoungBoy
Summary: When your mind wanders, you can only think of your coworkers, your friends. You think about befriending them over and over again, about sitting and smiling and laughing at jokes you've heard dozens of times. You think about how many times you‘ve loved them and how many times they‘ve died. You think about teaching them magic and solving their problems and you think about how you can‘t save everyone.(In the beginning you at least told yourself that you owed it to them to try.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	(no dawn, no day) i‘m always in this twilight

You wake up on the couch again and you‘re unsurprised to find that you don‘t even have the strength to cry.

You think you might be dead. If you're not, you wish you were.

Over and over you do the same routine, the same song and dance. You've lost count of the amount of times you've woken up on your aunt's couch, the amount of times you've taken the same route to the same cafe and taken the same interview and gotten the same job. 

After over a dozen times of Graves quoting the same Poe story, you spend the first morning of the next go-around reading every Poe story you can find. The next time you reset Graves is so so impressed at your knowledge. You force a smile and continue on. 

You've done everything you can think of. You've stayed in bed and you've quit your job and you've broken the curse and you've been turned to rust. 

And you've fallen in love. 

Over and over you find yourself drawn to your coworkers. You help them and support them and you let them smile at you and kiss you and you hurt. 

You don't know what you've done to deserve this but it must have been something fucking horrific. 

You've read every book and article that you can find. You've watched documentaries and read crazy conspiracy theories. And nothing. You've tried telling your parents (they tried to get you commited), you've tried to tell Graves (he offers you a job and promises to help and then vanishes again). You've tried telling your coworkers (they look at you like you're crazy and you don't try that again) and you've even tried turning to Nacht for help. Sometimes he laughs, sometimes he thinks you've been sent by Graves, sometimes he turns you to rust. (The rust doesn't kill, from what you can tell of what's happened to your coworkers again and again but you spend a few days in the dark and quiet and then you wake back up on the couch and begin anew.) And sometimes he offers help. Oh, you know he doesn't mean it (and if he does, the catch is always too much), but he offers it. He's asked for everything you can think of, Graves, the cafe, the book, even the other workers. 

(You think about something Graves alluded to one go around, you think about the awful feeling in your soul when Nacht uses his magic, and you think about what Mason said about hunting. You stop thinking.) 

He mostly seems interested, though (at least when he deigns to hear you out) and it sends shivers down your spine. He has hurt and killed and rusted everyone and everything you care about over and over again. And maybe he thinks you can help him but you've gone down this road with him too many times now for comfort and he can't help you. So you leave that and try again and again with Graves and Reese and Landry and everyone. You quiz every witch you can find for information and you learn about the curse and warding and glamours and you duel and duel and you can't remember what route you're on. Are you alone? Has a coworker confesed yet or have you not even learnt about the curse yet? Are you a witch or are you rust or are you dead dead  _ dead _ ? 

And you have done everything you can think of. You've gotten the job and you've stayed alone and you've killed Nacht the first time you saw him and you've killed yourself and you've talked to Mochi and you've learnt how to make coffee and you've killed everyone you can find and you have screamed and laughed and cried and  _ bled _ .

And every time you wake back up on your aunt's couch, the sun shining through the blinds and getting in your eyes.

Your responses have turned wooden as you follow the script set out for you. You barely even notice what you‘re saying by this point but the words are engraved in your mind. When your mind wanders, you can only think of your coworkers, your friends. You think about befriending them over and over again, about sitting and smiling and laughing at jokes you've heard dozens of times. You think about how many times you‘ve loved them and how many times they‘ve died. You think about teaching them magic and solving their problems and you think about how you can‘t save everyone.

(In the beginning you told yourself that you owe it to them to try. Now you just want it to be over.)

You think about how quickly it all ends when you don‘t pick one of them, how quickly you‘re sent back to your aunt‘s couch when it‘s obvious that you haven‘t made a choice. You think about which one will hurt the least, which one will make it feel like your heart is getting ripped out of your chest the least.

(It‘s none of them.)

Because you can detach yourself from everything else. You can have the same conversations over and over and run through the same scenarios and it hurts, yeah, but you can make yourself feel like a spectator. But you can't stop yourself from feeling when it comes to you choosing, when it comes to making one of them fall in love with you.

And you search and read and question but your heart isn't in it. You are resigned to this purgatory. Perhaps it‘s a punishment or perhaps it‘s something else but you can barely be bothered to care. You are empty and numb and so so tired and you barely have the strength to look up at the man smiling down at you from the stairs as the same tired script loops around yet again.

"Welcome! Please sit wherever you'd like."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://chiapet4357.tumblr.com/)   
>  [twitter](http://twitter.com/chiapet4357/)


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